always breaking

sometimes the pain is so unbearable i can feel my mind slipping away and i feel myself losing control. i stand in front of the mirror and i am crying so hard that i can't catch a breath, i'm literally doubling over. i force myself to keep eye contact with myself in the mirror, i memorize the planes and angles of my face, the way the tears travel around all the contours. i memorize the sadness, i will call this image back later in life before i ever let myself fall in love again.