wasted day

well it's almost 2:30 and i pretty much just crawled out of bed. justin is still sleeping beside me. he didn't get home till almost 3 and was hammered when he got here and we ended up staying up till almost 6:00am. he said lots of really nice things that made me happy even though he was probably just saying them because he was hammered haha. they were still nice things to hear. so yes the day has been wasted but at least i had a good night with him, we needed to spend that time together.

so now i pretty much have to get ready and go to work. and my night is looking a lot like more getting high alone and playing Forza 3, which i was kicking ass at last night until i fell asleep.

have a good day people!

when you miss me, just remember that i always gotcha with me.

i feel better now. working took my mind off of being sad. also i found out when i got there that my pay was way higher than i thought it would be, that i got a raise, and that i'm going to be full time starting next month. so that all cheered me up a bunch.

i smoked a joint on my walk home and now i'm going to play xbox because justin rented Forza 3 for me since he is busy and won't really be around over the next few days. he is coming here to sleep with me tho because he knows that i am pathetic and cannot sleep without him haha. so he is gone out for a few drinks with the boys right now and will come crawl in bed with me later. :)

leash wanted me to go out tonight and i was going to but then the timing didn't really work out and whatever so i'm just going to smoke and play xbox and maybe eat some KD and get some sleep till my boy gets here. :)

night night everyone!

ugh

omg i am depressed as shit i just want to melt into the floor and die.

gettin real tired.

justin was supposed to be here a long time ago and i'm making myself stay awake because i want to see him but i've smoked so much tonight so i'm getting really sleepy and my eyes are burning really badly.

my house has a huge cloud of anger and depression hanging over it today and it's been raining all over me all day. i don't even really have anything wrong but i'm depressed anyway because that's the mood in my house.

whenever i blog when i'm stoned i'm not sure if people are going to understand what i'm trying to say, but i guess that doesn't really matter.

red n green

i have red wine and a huge bag of weed sitting on my desk and i just rolled a nice joint and smoked it. i feel happy about all of the above. i'm not even sad anymore.

i always listen to different things depending on my mood. earlier i was listening to all these sad songs. then i get high and listen to fun happy ghetto music haha. and i feel a lot better.

true love is cruel love, my heart overfloods

it's one of those days, again. i am drinking red wine and smoking a lot of cigarettes, my hair is in a ponytail, i'm still in pajamas and i am wearing last nights makeup. i'm cleaning and organizing my bathroom while singing sad songs by the Cardigans. when i'm done i'm going to run a bubble bath in the jacuzzi and soak up my sorrows until justin gets here to make it all better again.



and then you kissed me, and it hit me really hard.

such a pretty smile, such a shame the things you hide behind it.

sometimes i just need to smoke a joint. i feel better now, now i can just chill and stop freakin' out.

i used to hate it but i dont know if i can ever stop now. my life is honestly better now that i do this all the time again, i mean i'm in a better place emotionally.

it's a temporary solution for depression.