i've been really depressed. drowning in a black hole of sadness. but i think i'm surfacing. i slept a lot today and then i took a nice long shower, and i felt a lot better after. i spent the last few hours cleaning my kitchen and bathroom. like hardcore cleaned. then i hardcore cleaned my room and rearranged a few things. i put my red light bulb in, lit some candles and incense and slipped into a sexy little nightgown instead of my usual justin's pj pants and justin's t-shirts. it makes me feel nicer. i also rolled a perfect joint. now i'm in bed and i'm going to smoke this and try to release all of my negative energy while i fall asleep.

i didn't do much of the homework that i wanted to do this weekend, and i didn't do my math assignment that's due in the morning. but i really, really needed this break. and i really need to relax and refocus.

what i really, really need is to be with justin. he is my cure-all. the beginning and the end of everything. the center of my universe. and my force of gravity.

when i try to wrap my head around the enormity of emotion, it makes my brain feel like mush.