a happy update

well i haven't looked at this blog since before the christmas break. in all honesty i forgot it even existed for a while. i read back and noted how incredibly dark all of my posts are. i really think that i only use this blog when i need it. when depression is really bad for me it's usually in waves that can last for months at times. i blog about how sad i am and then when i feel better i forget all about it. i feel good lately. i'm not sad anymore. in fact, i'm happier than i've been in a long while.

i'm having a hard time spitting out what i'm trying to say, my thoughts move too fast for me to actually put words to them sometimes. i guess what i'm thinking is that when i read all those depressing posts, i feel like i am reading someone else's blog. and i feel really sorry for that person. and it's also scary because that's just a condition that i live with, and i know that i'm going to feel like that again probably sooner rather than later.

for the record, as a reminder for my sad self of the future, things really do always get better. i'm here in depressing Ridgetown for a good reason and nothing can stop me from finishing what i set out to do. i have spent the last fifteen years suffering that sadness and i have yet to let it beat me. it's an exhausting struggle but i'm working toward something special now. i've been blessed with an incredible passion for helping animals and it would be a devastating waste not to use it. plus, i have my life to look forward to, i get to be married! yes i have been very blessed with love and passion. two things i'll never stop fighting for.