lf

when does it end?

back in the car

you're not gonna stop
not once you've begun
i know how you are.

STRENGTH

i took out my battle axe
i'm hacking at everything around me to get to the truth
the only way through is to fight, to carve a new path
i'm cultivating this into strength
i'm wielding it
i may bend, but i will never fucking fall.

solution?

I wrote this one year ago today:

"sometimes i just need to smoke a joint. i feel better now, now i can just chill and stop freakin' out.

i used to hate it but i dont know if i can ever stop now. my life is honestly better now that i do this all the time again, i mean i'm in a better place emotionally.

it's a temporary solution for depression."

so much for temporary haha

poetry

oh to know what i know. such an extravagant show. you did everything you could, and you hoped i never would, but now i finally know.

a light of my own

there's some bright light that's gone from me now, and re-ignition is impossible. how everything falls, sliding down the walls. i used to be so sure. i had a rope, in the middle of this mess. it didn't matter how bad i was bleeding, that rope held strong and stretched forth into the blackness that is my future. if only i had a little light of my own, maybe i could've seen. maybe i could've seen the rope fraying in the darkness before it snapped and sent me spinning off.

i've been living in this nothing for weeks and i'm starting to swallow it.

debate

unfamiliar, unremorseful
that's the way you were.
don't wanna bring it up again, that's the way you were.
oh well.
you raise questions of me
you haunt sections of town
be this or not
i know
i don't understand how this is appropriate
no, we don't understand. how bad at debate we are
and so we freeze...

the importance of elasticity

what happens when thoughts become too numerous to fit inside your brain anymore? when emotions become too strong to be contained by your heart anymore?
i lack the elasticity to compensate for the increasing pressure.
something's got to give.
everything explodes at once
bits of me; my thoughts, my emotions, my insecurities, my fears, my very organs fly around the room out of my control; destroying everything in their path
i am eviscerated